I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
