how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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