Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
