It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
