I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
