my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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