just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
