My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
