i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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