capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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