is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
