Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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