Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to fling myself into the sun
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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