Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
