dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
