I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
