i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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