she looked like the before picture.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
