Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
