i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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