so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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