why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
