Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
