I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
