I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
