Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
