When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
