Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
