So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
