hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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