so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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