thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
