That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
