reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you never un-have a 4some
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