So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
