: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
