I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
