I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
