i think my tv is drunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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