I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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