At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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