finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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