Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
