Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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