I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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