It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
