atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
