So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
