I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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