my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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