I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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