K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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