i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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