I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
