break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
