1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
