There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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