So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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