eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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