I want to stick my p in your. b.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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