i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
