My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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