You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
