Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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