she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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