if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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