She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
