The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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