I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
