I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
