Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
