I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
